I spent 5 years with an abusive husband, living with his abusive parents. His brother just a few weeks ago was arrested for doing something horrible to a very sweet, beautiful girl who did nothing to deserve being hurt by him. Just hearing about the story brought back memories of when I was married to his brother. There are certain things that I do not tell anyone, other things I have no problem sharing. Some things are meant to stay a secret. Some things I have chosen not to remember, but just because I have set backs and bad days doesn't mean that I am not dealing with my pain. I do not run from them, or go in search for a reason or answer as to why this happened to me. When it comes down to it, I believe that it happen for sole purpose of making me a stronger women. I try my hardest not to dwell on the fact that I abused for everyday for 5 years of my life that I will never get back. Instead I tend to dwell on the fact that I have been blessed everyday I have been alive. I was carried through my marriage by being saved. I have a relationship with Christ. He is the only reason I was able to have the courage to leave with my children. I left with my life, while many other abused women do not. I am blessed that I wake up everyday with air in my lungs, I am able to walk, to talk, to see, and to hear,. I have three beautiful children who call me mommy, and tell me that I am there hero because of the little things I do for them.
Some days are better than others but everyday is a true blessing. Everyday is a step forward, even when I have my bad days they are not set backs but stepping stones towards something better. They remind me there is a big bad world out there and to act accordingly. I am always reminded not to become bitter towards people, to still have a soft, kind hearted approach to life although sometimes I want to go take care of every member of the "slap a ho tribe" myself. I serve a risen Savior who will take care of that for me, but I will admit when I see things like with what happen to my ex husbands brother, I have this feelings of "hahahahaha see you really are that monster, and now everyone knows it". They tried so hard to keep there problems and there women beating a secret, and now is it not only in the wide open for everyone to see, but this monster will most liking pay with his life because of his actions. Knowing that they are in pain and depression has some justice for me and everyone else who has been hurt by them.
I know it sounds like I am rejoicing in their pain, I am not. I am praying for them as I have been for years. This had to happen to them for them to see that their bad actions have punishments, and see that your secrets will always find you and bite you in the butt in the hardest way. As far as for me, I will continue to live my life in the best I know how and to keep moving forward not as a victim but as a survivor.
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