I have a big problem with government. I am for small government, big business, the "american dream" and the traditional family. I believe that God is the supreme ruler of my life and anyone who believes in Him and follows His model of lifestyle will go to Heaven. I also believe that you cannot lose your salvation, however anyone who is truly saved should have a big problem with sin and anyone who engages in it, for if you were truly saved you would turn from your sin and not accept it as a normal.
I cannot stand main stream media, and never watch the news, even if it is so called "Conservative" news. I feel like even they are playing to the masses who believe and hang on their every word just waiting to jump on the next band wagon whether it be against or for something. Conservatives have a problem with this same with Liberals, and because they jump on that band wagon with other believers of the same logic they believe they are more right and their beliefs are more superior to others.
What I am trying to say is that government is not the answer. This country and our Constitution were based on Christian beliefs however this is not a Christian government, nor is the Constitution a Christian document. The founding fathers were wanting a free country with ultimate freedom to believe whatever we wanted to what ever that would be not just Christianity. They did not want just one belief to reign supreme over any other one. They wanted to live their life without the influence of big government telling them what they could and could not do. They believed that the only person we should ever have to answer to is God. He is the supreme being and the only one who can and should judge what we do. They also felt that big government solely ruling over a person was evil, should never be in just one person or one group hands and that it should never influence the church nor should the church influence government.
They saw government as a necessary evil but should only be composed of the people by the people. Our motto of "in God we trust" was not added to paper money until the 1957 and the pledge of allegiance did not say the words "under God" until 1954 that is nearly 200 years after the writing of the Constitution. Both of these would not have happened if the founding fathers were still around. They felt that a free country should not have one singular religious statement and this country should not have only one established religion. They felt that Christianity was a personal choice and you can not have that kind of influence in a "free" government. Which is why they came up with the first 10 amendments:
1. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
2. A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
3. No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner; nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
4. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
5. No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself; nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.
6. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed; which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor; and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
7. In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of common law.
8. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
9. The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
10. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people
As a Libertarian this is what I believe:
I believe: that a person has a personal right to believe in whatever they what too.
I believe: that a person has a personal right to live there own life without the influence of other people.
I believe:that the only person we should ever have to answer to or be influence by is God but this is a personal choice and I respect that .
I believe: in the traditional family, but we should never be given the opportunity to vote on a law that would state otherwise.
I believe: that government is to big, and to many people depend on it.
I believe: that people have a personal right to live their life in freedom as long as that freedom does not physically harm others, nor trump others beliefs.
I believe: in traditional values and morals but these should not be forced on anyone.
I believe: the only correct and real belief is in God and the Bible but refuse to use the words I'm right and you are wrong because God said so, that is just childish and proves nothing. Being a Christian, I have faith not proof that I am right in my beliefs so using the argument of "Because God said so, the Bible said it, or I'm right because I believe in God" is useless and pointless because I live by faith which cannot be proven by any measure of a man. A man who has no faith will never understand the concept of faith so why argue, this is annoying and does nothing but anger people. If you want to win an argument when it comes to the natural right versus a God given right of a person, first have the right information, but also have a logical point, living by faith deifies logic, non-believers and believers alike need to understand this fact.
And lastly, I FIRMLY believe in the first, second, ninth, and tenth amendments.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
What do you do when your "normal" is no longer an option?
So my class got canceled this morning which is why I am home. The past few days have been very hard on me though I don't think anyone has really noticed much. I was sitting in my car at a stop light and just started crying for no real reason. As I look over at the other people sitting there going about their days I found myself wondering what is going on in their life. I wondered who just lost someone, who just got arrested, who is going to pass away today. I also wonder who is going through the exact same thing as I am.
Most of my friends and family have only heard bad stories about my ex husband, and the honest truth is there wasn't much good about him. I hated him for a very long time, I'm not going to lie. It was always hard for me to see similarities in my children and him. But there are some and some of those make my skin crawl because I can remember my marriage with him so amazingly well. I guess that is what happens when you go through a domestic violence situation. But my children are my children, they are not him, or even me they are unique, they are themselves and I cannot see life without them. Even though I hated him, I never stopped caring about him because whatever he did affected my children. I never wanted them hurt so I tolerated him for their sake. I just could not be married to him so we split for good in 2007 when my youngest was only 3 months old.
On August 31, 2012 he put himself through a windshield. He was drunk, out partying with some friends, jumped in his car, missed a stop sign, and t-boned a SUV going about 60mph. Both him and his passenger were thrown from the car. His passenger survived and is doing well, my ex husband however is a vegetable. He is still alive but there is nothing left of his mind. He is not brain dead or even considered in a coma because his eyes are open, but there is no higher function of his mind. Think of it this way everything your body does involuntarily like the beating of your heart, breathing, waking up after falling sleep, and normal bodily functions, he can do all of those things. But everything that makes us, well us is not there. He cannot speak, hear, smell, walk or communicate in anyway shape or form,. They say that death is more welcomed than becoming a vegetable.
There is nothing to pull, he breaths and his heart is just fine, they need no help to continue, the only thing is that because he cannot do is feed himself, he has a feeding tube. If that was to be pulled out he would starve to death. That seems a bit cruel, to me anyway. I tell you all of that to tell you this, I miss him yes even if he was this horrible person to me, I miss him. There isn't a moment in any day where my mind doesn't drift to him, not because I love him or even really cared about him but because he mattered so much to my kids. He was there dad, how can I be happy having my children all of the time when I got them this way. My kids are without their biological dad, they are without a part of themselves.
I remember when this first happened my current husband and my brother were sitting in the garage, I was crying, they both looked at me and said "why, he was this horrible person who got what he deserved" but do we ever actually get what deserved. If that was the way things were I would have died a horrible, tragic death by now. Even though a part of me is happy about it because, after all the kids are home with me where they belong, I feel cheated out of a victory. I mean victory by this, everything was a competition with him. Our current spouses, our homes, cars or just living life, everything he did was to try and put one up on the me, that is how it was with him. That is how he played the game, I won at a lot of those things which I was proud of myself in doing so. For me it wasn't about being better than he it was because everything I ended up doing benefited my life and my children's life. It became this way, he was there to screw up, I held him as the example of what not to do. Now that is gone I can't help but feel a little lost, what do I do now? I am the only one the kids are looking at, so does that mean I try to become perfect to set their only example of a parent as a great one? Or do I just keep doing what I always did? perhaps I should show them that I am flawed, that I am not perfect, that I make mistakes too, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.
I was OK with being the "good" parent and him being the "bad" one. That's how this worked, even the kids seemed to OK with the way things were set up but now the "bad" one is gone, and it makes the "good" feel cheap. I used to say "you can't have good without the bad", but now that the bad is gone then were does that leave the good. I think that is what I mean by I miss him. I could always count on him to screw things up, and I would fix the mess, that was my normal for so long so what do I do now? My normal is gone and for my kids life will never be the same, it will always be the could of, would of life. We cannot say he would have stayed the "bad" parent their entire life, because none of us have anyway of knowing that. I am just at a crossroads in life I guess, do I just keep going the way I was going when he was still around, knowing that my children's life has now changed drastically? Or am I supposed to change drastically along with them because the way I was before August 31, 2012 just doesn't make since anymore.
Most of my friends and family have only heard bad stories about my ex husband, and the honest truth is there wasn't much good about him. I hated him for a very long time, I'm not going to lie. It was always hard for me to see similarities in my children and him. But there are some and some of those make my skin crawl because I can remember my marriage with him so amazingly well. I guess that is what happens when you go through a domestic violence situation. But my children are my children, they are not him, or even me they are unique, they are themselves and I cannot see life without them. Even though I hated him, I never stopped caring about him because whatever he did affected my children. I never wanted them hurt so I tolerated him for their sake. I just could not be married to him so we split for good in 2007 when my youngest was only 3 months old.
On August 31, 2012 he put himself through a windshield. He was drunk, out partying with some friends, jumped in his car, missed a stop sign, and t-boned a SUV going about 60mph. Both him and his passenger were thrown from the car. His passenger survived and is doing well, my ex husband however is a vegetable. He is still alive but there is nothing left of his mind. He is not brain dead or even considered in a coma because his eyes are open, but there is no higher function of his mind. Think of it this way everything your body does involuntarily like the beating of your heart, breathing, waking up after falling sleep, and normal bodily functions, he can do all of those things. But everything that makes us, well us is not there. He cannot speak, hear, smell, walk or communicate in anyway shape or form,. They say that death is more welcomed than becoming a vegetable.
There is nothing to pull, he breaths and his heart is just fine, they need no help to continue, the only thing is that because he cannot do is feed himself, he has a feeding tube. If that was to be pulled out he would starve to death. That seems a bit cruel, to me anyway. I tell you all of that to tell you this, I miss him yes even if he was this horrible person to me, I miss him. There isn't a moment in any day where my mind doesn't drift to him, not because I love him or even really cared about him but because he mattered so much to my kids. He was there dad, how can I be happy having my children all of the time when I got them this way. My kids are without their biological dad, they are without a part of themselves.
I remember when this first happened my current husband and my brother were sitting in the garage, I was crying, they both looked at me and said "why, he was this horrible person who got what he deserved" but do we ever actually get what deserved. If that was the way things were I would have died a horrible, tragic death by now. Even though a part of me is happy about it because, after all the kids are home with me where they belong, I feel cheated out of a victory. I mean victory by this, everything was a competition with him. Our current spouses, our homes, cars or just living life, everything he did was to try and put one up on the me, that is how it was with him. That is how he played the game, I won at a lot of those things which I was proud of myself in doing so. For me it wasn't about being better than he it was because everything I ended up doing benefited my life and my children's life. It became this way, he was there to screw up, I held him as the example of what not to do. Now that is gone I can't help but feel a little lost, what do I do now? I am the only one the kids are looking at, so does that mean I try to become perfect to set their only example of a parent as a great one? Or do I just keep doing what I always did? perhaps I should show them that I am flawed, that I am not perfect, that I make mistakes too, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.
I was OK with being the "good" parent and him being the "bad" one. That's how this worked, even the kids seemed to OK with the way things were set up but now the "bad" one is gone, and it makes the "good" feel cheap. I used to say "you can't have good without the bad", but now that the bad is gone then were does that leave the good. I think that is what I mean by I miss him. I could always count on him to screw things up, and I would fix the mess, that was my normal for so long so what do I do now? My normal is gone and for my kids life will never be the same, it will always be the could of, would of life. We cannot say he would have stayed the "bad" parent their entire life, because none of us have anyway of knowing that. I am just at a crossroads in life I guess, do I just keep going the way I was going when he was still around, knowing that my children's life has now changed drastically? Or am I supposed to change drastically along with them because the way I was before August 31, 2012 just doesn't make since anymore.
Monday, March 18, 2013
What is life, or should we be asking what is it to live
I am reminded of a line of a song, I may take the low road in but I want to take the high road out. And that is a very true statement, nobody wants to actually experience or wallow in pain. Depression I don't see as a mental handicap, I see it as a choice. You do not have to stay down, though many do. But why do some stay sad and why do some pick themselves up and carry on? The answer to that question would depend on who you ask it too. You ask to a person who is in the middle of heartache and they will tell you they can't see past their pain, you ask someone who has pulled through it and some will tell you they stayed positive, others will tell you they got high or drunk, others will say they just accept whatever they can get regardless of the outcome, others still will tell you it was God who pulled them through.
But why is it different? You ask anyone of those people (perhaps other than the perpetually high and drunk person, because lets face it that is just a temporary fix) and they will tell you that their way is the only way to go. Their way is the best, so everyone should listen to them because hey it worked for them so it will work for all, right? What if that isn't it at all, what if there is something more to pulling out of a depressed state.
Everyone at some point in their life has felt the pain of heartache, and if you say you haven't I would have to call you a liar. Heartache is different for everyone and thing that causes someone to feel pain differs greatly. Some it's the lost of a pet, some it's the lost of a family member, some it's finding out you are adopted, some it's when your parents divorce. To the person experiencing those things their heartache maybe great when others would look at them and say REALLY??? that's nothing let me tell you . . . . fill in the blank. But that isn't the good response to a person's pain, that just makes you look heartless, cold and have no empathy for another human being. (by the way the usual go to response is "O my gosh I'm so sorry")
I once read a book called "Why do bad things happen to good people" in fact I read the entire thing to my brother as he lay fighting for his life in a hospital bed. Even though a choice lead him there it didn't matter, here was my brother, my flesh, my blood, and he was dying before my eyes. I heard lots and lots of talk about miracles and God was going to pull him out of this because he was a Christian same as me. Yet here I was reading a book about a christian pastor who lost his 4 year old son. And I couldn't help but feel this sting of pain for the person I was reading about. Here he was a pastor praying out to God to save his son, he was losing a child and there was nothing any of the doctors could do for him so he prayed, had his church, family and friends praying for him just as everyone was praying for my brother and yet he still lost his child and my brother pulled through. Why would God choose to save my brother not this pastor's son (or even the pastor I know right now in Reche Canyon Rehab center who is a vegetable after a stroke 7 years ago) , how could I tell this person who believes the same as me, God performs miracles look he saved my brother, when this dad is morning the loss of his child?(or the wife of the pastor in Reche Canyon who has been praying for 7 years for a miracle without the slightest sign of hope)
I've heard every possible answer to the silent questions I wasn't asking . Those answers to why is this happening to me, we don't deserve this, do not work at all. Nobody in the middle of pain wants to hear that God has a purpose, that God wanted this or God will do this. Because when the pain turns south and that person dies how can one stop from hating God because He must have wanted this or that or so we are told. How can I just accept that someone is gone because God wanted it. How can horrible heartache make sense if God is in control? Couldn't He have stopped it because if He loved his children He wouldn't want them to suffer by no fault of their own, right? If He is total control then why do his children suffer? If you believe in a all loving, all knowing, powerful God then wouldn't his children never feel pain. And if you do believe that then most of the time that question is followed by this one, if he does love us, and if our pain has a purpose then why do "good" people suffer?
Sometimes it is not asking the question but finding the answer that gets us in trouble. I think of God as this, He is all knowing, all powerful, and knows the answer to every possible question but He does not know what question we are going to ask. He knows what will happen in every situation but does not know what situation we will be in because He does not know what choice we will make. We have free will as human beings and we are the only thing on this planet that has this unique feature So how does that fit into someone who child has been murdered? it was the murders choice to take the life. How does that fit into someone who has been adopted? it was the birth parents choice to give up their child. How does that fit into a person who has been in a serious car accident because of alcohol and is now a vegetable? it was because of that person's choice to drink and drive. How does that fit into someone getting better after being on death's door? it was because that person choose to take amazing care of themselves before such and such happened.
So how does that work with miracles? Because without believing in the miracles one can not be a christian. I see miracles as such, not a grand saving of a person (though that does sometimes happen) but small miracles that happen everyday, all day to every walk of life. I see the drug addict who has been one for a number of years finally give it up as miracle. I see the person who has experience the murder of a child, thrive and want to help others as a miracle. I see the person who has cancer that can not be cured, smiling and living life until their last moment as the miracle. I see the person who has been through something that would be unbearable to others, live their life, smiling, and happy as a miracle. I see the atheist who on there death bed accept Christ as their savior as a miracle.
Being a miracle (because I have been through life altering emotional pain and I am sitting here ten years later still surviving and thriving) and believing in them for something that is not the popular belief (especially in the christian circles) is something that has labeled me as negative, hopeless, or being a unbeliever. I am here to tell you I am none of these things. And what would I say to the person who has no hope for the good outcome, who feels there is no way out of their pain? I would tell them this, Hang in there, life doesn't get better, you become better at handling it. Your pain is not worthless though it may feel like it right now. There is hope and there is a purpose even if it is to learn what not to do. Now is not the time for reflection, that is for later, right now is time to put one foot in front of the other and to never stop moving forward.
Miracles are something that happens when you change your outlook on life, when you start asking the right question and seeking the right answers. Become a truth-seeker not a lie-follower and that my friends is the miracle.
But why is it different? You ask anyone of those people (perhaps other than the perpetually high and drunk person, because lets face it that is just a temporary fix) and they will tell you that their way is the only way to go. Their way is the best, so everyone should listen to them because hey it worked for them so it will work for all, right? What if that isn't it at all, what if there is something more to pulling out of a depressed state.
Everyone at some point in their life has felt the pain of heartache, and if you say you haven't I would have to call you a liar. Heartache is different for everyone and thing that causes someone to feel pain differs greatly. Some it's the lost of a pet, some it's the lost of a family member, some it's finding out you are adopted, some it's when your parents divorce. To the person experiencing those things their heartache maybe great when others would look at them and say REALLY??? that's nothing let me tell you . . . . fill in the blank. But that isn't the good response to a person's pain, that just makes you look heartless, cold and have no empathy for another human being. (by the way the usual go to response is "O my gosh I'm so sorry")
I once read a book called "Why do bad things happen to good people" in fact I read the entire thing to my brother as he lay fighting for his life in a hospital bed. Even though a choice lead him there it didn't matter, here was my brother, my flesh, my blood, and he was dying before my eyes. I heard lots and lots of talk about miracles and God was going to pull him out of this because he was a Christian same as me. Yet here I was reading a book about a christian pastor who lost his 4 year old son. And I couldn't help but feel this sting of pain for the person I was reading about. Here he was a pastor praying out to God to save his son, he was losing a child and there was nothing any of the doctors could do for him so he prayed, had his church, family and friends praying for him just as everyone was praying for my brother and yet he still lost his child and my brother pulled through. Why would God choose to save my brother not this pastor's son (or even the pastor I know right now in Reche Canyon Rehab center who is a vegetable after a stroke 7 years ago) , how could I tell this person who believes the same as me, God performs miracles look he saved my brother, when this dad is morning the loss of his child?(or the wife of the pastor in Reche Canyon who has been praying for 7 years for a miracle without the slightest sign of hope)
I've heard every possible answer to the silent questions I wasn't asking . Those answers to why is this happening to me, we don't deserve this, do not work at all. Nobody in the middle of pain wants to hear that God has a purpose, that God wanted this or God will do this. Because when the pain turns south and that person dies how can one stop from hating God because He must have wanted this or that or so we are told. How can I just accept that someone is gone because God wanted it. How can horrible heartache make sense if God is in control? Couldn't He have stopped it because if He loved his children He wouldn't want them to suffer by no fault of their own, right? If He is total control then why do his children suffer? If you believe in a all loving, all knowing, powerful God then wouldn't his children never feel pain. And if you do believe that then most of the time that question is followed by this one, if he does love us, and if our pain has a purpose then why do "good" people suffer?
Sometimes it is not asking the question but finding the answer that gets us in trouble. I think of God as this, He is all knowing, all powerful, and knows the answer to every possible question but He does not know what question we are going to ask. He knows what will happen in every situation but does not know what situation we will be in because He does not know what choice we will make. We have free will as human beings and we are the only thing on this planet that has this unique feature So how does that fit into someone who child has been murdered? it was the murders choice to take the life. How does that fit into someone who has been adopted? it was the birth parents choice to give up their child. How does that fit into a person who has been in a serious car accident because of alcohol and is now a vegetable? it was because of that person's choice to drink and drive. How does that fit into someone getting better after being on death's door? it was because that person choose to take amazing care of themselves before such and such happened.
So how does that work with miracles? Because without believing in the miracles one can not be a christian. I see miracles as such, not a grand saving of a person (though that does sometimes happen) but small miracles that happen everyday, all day to every walk of life. I see the drug addict who has been one for a number of years finally give it up as miracle. I see the person who has experience the murder of a child, thrive and want to help others as a miracle. I see the person who has cancer that can not be cured, smiling and living life until their last moment as the miracle. I see the person who has been through something that would be unbearable to others, live their life, smiling, and happy as a miracle. I see the atheist who on there death bed accept Christ as their savior as a miracle.
Being a miracle (because I have been through life altering emotional pain and I am sitting here ten years later still surviving and thriving) and believing in them for something that is not the popular belief (especially in the christian circles) is something that has labeled me as negative, hopeless, or being a unbeliever. I am here to tell you I am none of these things. And what would I say to the person who has no hope for the good outcome, who feels there is no way out of their pain? I would tell them this, Hang in there, life doesn't get better, you become better at handling it. Your pain is not worthless though it may feel like it right now. There is hope and there is a purpose even if it is to learn what not to do. Now is not the time for reflection, that is for later, right now is time to put one foot in front of the other and to never stop moving forward.
Miracles are something that happens when you change your outlook on life, when you start asking the right question and seeking the right answers. Become a truth-seeker not a lie-follower and that my friends is the miracle.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I want to be able to say what I want when I want to say it
As parent and as an adult, I feel my voice is fading into oblivion. Schools at even at a young age group are teaching things that not everyone would agree with. They teach things like spanking is abuse, family can mean any kind of parents, and that bullying is wrong. They teach things like we came from monkeys, the only purpose of life are to have fun, and soda will make you fat. Teachers have to be politically correct in every aspect of speech to the point of not speaking the truth and they are so scared of being sued by a parent that they cannot teach what they feel is right. I ask you as adults, How is having a central view on life be a good thing for every family? We as a nation need to come back to God and back to true family values. Things like reading the bible on a nightly basis, having family dinners, and a parents right to say what they think their children need to grow into proper adults are becoming things of the past. We are now forced into being politically correct about everything. We cannot say certain words, post positive messages if they come from the Bible in a classroom or choose what we feel is right in our family discipline practices because we can be demeaned politically incorrect, sued or arrested. This is happening not only in school but in the work place and everyday life as well. We are being forced into being so politically correct in our speech and teachings, that it feels like we have forgotten we are all different. With different values, and different outlooks on life. They say that we have freedom of speech but what it is turning into is freedom - of what government thinks everyone wants to hear- type of speech. And This is not right. Nobody should be forced into being politically correct. I believe that fast food restaurant should be able to serve what they want to serve; I believe that schools should teach what they want to teach; I believe that parents should raise their children however they see fit; I believe everyone big or small should have every opportunity to feel the sting of failure; I believe that everyone should be able to feel the hurt of bullying from another at one point in their life for without knowing the bad you cannot appreciate the good. Our nation has been one of diversity and we should not lose that. We need to become less sensitive and less politically correct before we lose all that make us unique. We are unique unlike anyone else and it’s time to starting acting like it.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Christmas spirit
Christmas is still my favorite. I love the decorations, the lights and the smells of Christmas. My thoughts always return to childhood and that feeling of waking up on Christmas morning to find all the gifts, going to the extended families home and enjoying great food. The memories I have of this holiday are wonderful and sweet. Full of love and joy.
My Christmas spirit has gone through a great transformation in the past few years. I grew up knowing what every holiday would bring, my mom and dad getting us tooth brushes and pj's with one "expensive" gift we really wanted. We spent every Christmas morning at home, the afternoon with my mom's family and the night with my dad's family. Every single year it was like that the whole time growing up. I loved it. What I wouldn't give to go back to that morning just one last time and see everyone again.
My grandparents are all gone, had a cousin taken from us way too soon, divorce and remarriage. The family has grown, and swelled. We have lost love ones and gained some. We have scattered across country but are able to keep in touch thanks to modern technology. One thing that has never changed is the love we have for each other, we have our issues and problems, but if one of us needed help with just one phone call we would have support in a heart beat. And because of that love if one of us were out of line, or do something stupid we have no problem speaking up and saying that's not right.
It is the true definition of family, we are there for one another but do not let anyone shame the family name otherwise that person is out and good luck getting back in. It's a family that is not to messed with but would give the shirt off there back if you needed one. If one us are hurting and victimized we band together around them, but if one us does the hurting and victimizing we band together around the victim. And that's the way it is supposed to be
My Christmas spirit has gone through a great transformation in the past few years. I grew up knowing what every holiday would bring, my mom and dad getting us tooth brushes and pj's with one "expensive" gift we really wanted. We spent every Christmas morning at home, the afternoon with my mom's family and the night with my dad's family. Every single year it was like that the whole time growing up. I loved it. What I wouldn't give to go back to that morning just one last time and see everyone again.
My grandparents are all gone, had a cousin taken from us way too soon, divorce and remarriage. The family has grown, and swelled. We have lost love ones and gained some. We have scattered across country but are able to keep in touch thanks to modern technology. One thing that has never changed is the love we have for each other, we have our issues and problems, but if one of us needed help with just one phone call we would have support in a heart beat. And because of that love if one of us were out of line, or do something stupid we have no problem speaking up and saying that's not right.
It is the true definition of family, we are there for one another but do not let anyone shame the family name otherwise that person is out and good luck getting back in. It's a family that is not to messed with but would give the shirt off there back if you needed one. If one us are hurting and victimized we band together around them, but if one us does the hurting and victimizing we band together around the victim. And that's the way it is supposed to be
Monday, November 22, 2010
I am a survivor
I spent 5 years with an abusive husband, living with his abusive parents. His brother just a few weeks ago was arrested for doing something horrible to a very sweet, beautiful girl who did nothing to deserve being hurt by him. Just hearing about the story brought back memories of when I was married to his brother. There are certain things that I do not tell anyone, other things I have no problem sharing. Some things are meant to stay a secret. Some things I have chosen not to remember, but just because I have set backs and bad days doesn't mean that I am not dealing with my pain. I do not run from them, or go in search for a reason or answer as to why this happened to me. When it comes down to it, I believe that it happen for sole purpose of making me a stronger women. I try my hardest not to dwell on the fact that I abused for everyday for 5 years of my life that I will never get back. Instead I tend to dwell on the fact that I have been blessed everyday I have been alive. I was carried through my marriage by being saved. I have a relationship with Christ. He is the only reason I was able to have the courage to leave with my children. I left with my life, while many other abused women do not. I am blessed that I wake up everyday with air in my lungs, I am able to walk, to talk, to see, and to hear,. I have three beautiful children who call me mommy, and tell me that I am there hero because of the little things I do for them.
Some days are better than others but everyday is a true blessing. Everyday is a step forward, even when I have my bad days they are not set backs but stepping stones towards something better. They remind me there is a big bad world out there and to act accordingly. I am always reminded not to become bitter towards people, to still have a soft, kind hearted approach to life although sometimes I want to go take care of every member of the "slap a ho tribe" myself. I serve a risen Savior who will take care of that for me, but I will admit when I see things like with what happen to my ex husbands brother, I have this feelings of "hahahahaha see you really are that monster, and now everyone knows it". They tried so hard to keep there problems and there women beating a secret, and now is it not only in the wide open for everyone to see, but this monster will most liking pay with his life because of his actions. Knowing that they are in pain and depression has some justice for me and everyone else who has been hurt by them.
I know it sounds like I am rejoicing in their pain, I am not. I am praying for them as I have been for years. This had to happen to them for them to see that their bad actions have punishments, and see that your secrets will always find you and bite you in the butt in the hardest way. As far as for me, I will continue to live my life in the best I know how and to keep moving forward not as a victim but as a survivor.
Some days are better than others but everyday is a true blessing. Everyday is a step forward, even when I have my bad days they are not set backs but stepping stones towards something better. They remind me there is a big bad world out there and to act accordingly. I am always reminded not to become bitter towards people, to still have a soft, kind hearted approach to life although sometimes I want to go take care of every member of the "slap a ho tribe" myself. I serve a risen Savior who will take care of that for me, but I will admit when I see things like with what happen to my ex husbands brother, I have this feelings of "hahahahaha see you really are that monster, and now everyone knows it". They tried so hard to keep there problems and there women beating a secret, and now is it not only in the wide open for everyone to see, but this monster will most liking pay with his life because of his actions. Knowing that they are in pain and depression has some justice for me and everyone else who has been hurt by them.
I know it sounds like I am rejoicing in their pain, I am not. I am praying for them as I have been for years. This had to happen to them for them to see that their bad actions have punishments, and see that your secrets will always find you and bite you in the butt in the hardest way. As far as for me, I will continue to live my life in the best I know how and to keep moving forward not as a victim but as a survivor.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Ever just feel like writing
Yes writing a blog feels a little like I am writing in my dairy however this gets posted to a site with millions, and millions of people. The internet is kinda like what I thought of space when I was little, it just goes on forever there is no end in sight. I wonder what would it be like if everything just failed, and we were back to using oil lamps, and smoke signals. Life would be slow, quiet, and simple. Talk about getting back to what matters, being with your family and making it fun with just you guys!
Everyone always talks about "going green" or extending your life span, when are these retards going to figure out, it's life, it ends, that's a fact, end of story; so shouldn't we be having fun, and enjoying each other's company for the short time we are actually alive? My second grader came home from school with this to say "the kids in my class asked 'why does your mom always give you fruit snacks (the gummy ones) food to eat? your going to get fat by eating that'." Um yeah excuse me your in second grade kid, why do you care??? O that's right you have parents who are lazy and don't watch you, so you go home and play 5 hours of video games while eating the family sized bag of potato chips. That could be the problem, yeah? How is a snack of 6 gummy bears, and a fruit by the foot going to make my kid fat, when my kids are active all day . . . . . and most the night, aw hell 24/7??
Guess what people, and I'm going to probably piss off some people here, but shhhhh I'm going to tell you a secret, come here. . . . . . . . . . . I ACTUALLY TELL MY KIDS NO. O yeah I just went there, what the heck is wrong with parents today. When did "no" because a dreaded cuss word???? Seriously, I'm not my kid's friend, I'm the parent, I'm the boss, and I'm the one in charge. O here's another one that might just get me in trouble, my kids get punishments when they mis-behave. How else are they going to learn, o and there is a deference between abuse and a spanking, but if I say anymore on the internet I'll have CPS on my butt, so I'll leave that one alone.
One more thing, it's a little scary that when you disagree with someone's point of view online or anywhere else you have this fear that one day you are going to come home and find out that someone tagged "enter your favorite cuss word" on your garage door. It's a shame, yes you have a right to freedom of speech just as long as you stick to the cue card sir, but don't even think about saying something else or we'll sue you for defamation of character. Doesn't really seem right huh, at least I don't think so.
And for that someone, who royally pissed me off, you know who you are, and if any of you have talked to me in the last the week or so you know who this message is for. Here's your message a hole: you will get out of life whatever you put into it. so I hope you enjoy your life behind bars because it's what you get, and for your brother, I heard that if you put a gun to your head with only one bullet, it cures headaches.
Everyone always talks about "going green" or extending your life span, when are these retards going to figure out, it's life, it ends, that's a fact, end of story; so shouldn't we be having fun, and enjoying each other's company for the short time we are actually alive? My second grader came home from school with this to say "the kids in my class asked 'why does your mom always give you fruit snacks (the gummy ones) food to eat? your going to get fat by eating that'." Um yeah excuse me your in second grade kid, why do you care??? O that's right you have parents who are lazy and don't watch you, so you go home and play 5 hours of video games while eating the family sized bag of potato chips. That could be the problem, yeah? How is a snack of 6 gummy bears, and a fruit by the foot going to make my kid fat, when my kids are active all day . . . . . and most the night, aw hell 24/7??
Guess what people, and I'm going to probably piss off some people here, but shhhhh I'm going to tell you a secret, come here. . . . . . . . . . . I ACTUALLY TELL MY KIDS NO. O yeah I just went there, what the heck is wrong with parents today. When did "no" because a dreaded cuss word???? Seriously, I'm not my kid's friend, I'm the parent, I'm the boss, and I'm the one in charge. O here's another one that might just get me in trouble, my kids get punishments when they mis-behave. How else are they going to learn, o and there is a deference between abuse and a spanking, but if I say anymore on the internet I'll have CPS on my butt, so I'll leave that one alone.
One more thing, it's a little scary that when you disagree with someone's point of view online or anywhere else you have this fear that one day you are going to come home and find out that someone tagged "enter your favorite cuss word" on your garage door. It's a shame, yes you have a right to freedom of speech just as long as you stick to the cue card sir, but don't even think about saying something else or we'll sue you for defamation of character. Doesn't really seem right huh, at least I don't think so.
And for that someone, who royally pissed me off, you know who you are, and if any of you have talked to me in the last the week or so you know who this message is for. Here's your message a hole: you will get out of life whatever you put into it. so I hope you enjoy your life behind bars because it's what you get, and for your brother, I heard that if you put a gun to your head with only one bullet, it cures headaches.
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